Bachelorette Episode 3: Drink Every Time Clare Says Dale

Aaaaaand we’re back! Thanks for all the support on this post last week. I love finding others who are just as invested in this crazy show as I am 🙂 Let’s dive right in…

If you remember, we left off last week at the cocktail party.

Rest of the cocktail party 

Clare: “Was everyone ok with the strip dodgeball?” OF FUCKING COURSE NOT CLARE THAT WAS INSANE.

Yosef I totally get that Clare crossed your line, but you are taking it a leeeetle too far.

What why does Jordan have a lion stuffed animal da frick.

Okay here we go…the moment ABC has been teasing all season. *Cue Yosef and Clare convo.*

Okay Yosef you kind of are making good points..but again a little aggressive. 

Clare: “Thats why you were not on that date” SAVAGE that was so quick. 

Yosef: “I’m ashamed to be associated with you” OMFG NOT OKAY SOMEONE REIN THIS BOY IN.

Clare is being so patient wow I’d go off.

I spoke too soon…YES QUEEN Clare. Go off on Yosef he is out of line.

Yosef: “You are not fit to be the mother of my child” THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL!

Clare’s inner thoughts as she storms off *where’s Dale where’s Dale where’s dale* 

Ah yes, Dale has entered the chat. 

Dale: “We’ll figure it out ok” Does figuring it out mean leaving the show?? 

Falling in love the second episode? Luke P. vibes from Hannah’s season anyone?? 

Clare: “We are just going to skip the rest of the cocktail party and go right to the rose ceremony. Is that okay?”

The guys: “Absolutely!” *in their heads* “SHIT SHIT SHIT I didn’t get to finesse my way into another week. There goes 10,000 insta followers.”

And going home are Tyler S., Blake Monar, and Garin. I had to look this up, literally could not pick them out of a lineup if I tried my very hardest.

First Group Date

I love that outfit Clare.

Those are Dales pants..WTF ?!?!?!? I feel as though this is weird. 

Clare joking to DeAnna: “This is the shortest season ever” OH so we’re foreshadowing now???

Well the outfit is just going to waste because Clare cancelled the day portion of the date. I guess she just feels it’s more appropriate to attack Dale’s face during the night time ???

OH they are going to her ROOM ROOM.

Clare to Dale: “How are you so perfect? You are so perfect.”

Clare’s thoughts *Dale this is the time where you say “No Clare, YOU’RE perfect.”

Riley’s biceps are SO LARGE. He’s bustin out of that shirt.

The producers totally told Eazy they were in Clare’s room. This ain’t no coincidence.

Dale’s CHEEZIN SO HARD. He legit cannot form a sentence I’m loling.

Yeahhh I’m with the boys on this one. Don’t pull her twice before everyone has talked to her. 

Clare giving out the rose: “Yeahhhh…Dale……” I think they are both trashed right now.

Dale is about to get roasted. 

Oh, Dale, you’re digging yourself into a hole.  

THE BOYS ARE CATCHING ON!! They are starting to realize they have no chance against Dale.

One On One with Zach J.

#1. He’s v attractive.

The producers are making this more awkward by putting in the awkward music.

Clare: “I’m so present on this date” Also Clare: “I wish I was with Dale” 

OKAY this kissing-gate is ABSURD. Clare stresses communication and then just didn’t communicate with Zach?? Wtf Clare?? He didn’t pull away! He was so shocked that she was kissing him that he just froze for .5 seconds. I think he took it too far by trying to grab her again and kiss her. Clearly she wasn’t into it and was triggered, but I think he deserved an explanation. He will literally be thinking about that moment for the rest of his life.

ZACH’S GOING HOME AND CLARE COULDN’T EVEN BREAK UP WITH HIM HERSELF.

#justiceforzach

Second Group Dale (oops I mean Date)

BENNETT holding the door for everyone. A true king. 

Clare: “I love when guys can poke fun at each other” BUT DON’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT DALE!

Clare must like ~sequins~ 

The roast was fine. Dale took it like a champ and just laughed it off. You could see the steam coming out of Clare’s ears while she was sitting on the couch.

Bennett: “I’d love to move on.” Clare: “So back to Dale.” 

Clare is the mom trying to get in on the kids’ joke.

Bennett: “I don’t think she’s all in on Dale. I think it’s still early.” Bennett, bud… you went to Harvard. You should know. It’s a done deal. 

Does she give this rose to Dale too even though he wasn’t on the date???? 

WORSE! NO ROSE! 

SHE CALLED HIM HER FIANCE?!?!?!?!? ANYONE ELSE’S MIND BLOWN?!

TAYSHIA I JUST SCREAMED. Obvi I knew this was coming, but still SHOCKED ME. What are our thoughts on Tayshia??? I liked her on Colton’s season, didn’t love her on paradise, but I am looking forward to her being the bachelorette. She doesn’t have to do much to be better than Clare lol.

And my friends, I believe as though next week we will be reprieved of this insanity that is Clare Crawley. I do really want her to find love, I just sometimes think she is extreme in some of her decisions, requests, etc. And on that note, I will leave you with our uncontroversial king…Chasen.

Remember next week the show is on THURSDAY not Tuesday because of the election. Go out and vote vote vote!!