Well, well, well we find ourselves here on another Monday! Crazy how the Mondays just keep on comin’ comin’ and comin’ comin’ (Black Eyed Peas reference?). I got a big ass coffee to get me through this recap. LFG ladies…(& gents?? Probs not).
The producers are definitely holding a gun behind the camera while the boys tour the LITERAL Hyatt and have to act excited.
James aka Jason Tartick wannabe needs to lose the hair gel. I’ll give him a few more weeks to figure his shit out.
First Group Date
I stand by my comment last week. Mike is hot. So is Justin.
This is SUCH a classic first group date. Making the guys do something incredibly awkward in front of a “live studio audience.” Anyone remember the erotic stories from last season?? Brutal.
Oh shit Mike is really being put on the spot here…that was low key cruel of the producers to put him on this date. But what do they care about morals!
Connor B. hops up on stage with a guitar and all I can think about is WHEN are guitars going to be banned from this show?!? I feel personally victimized by guitars. Thanks JED.
Okay um Connor B. actually crushed it. I might take back my guitar comment? Nah probably not.
Uh oh Karl’s performance is just not it, but Justin doesn’t need to be such a DICK in the audience making snide remarks.
Mike gets the win with this one. It’s the least the producers could do for him. Onto the night portion…
Okay I don’t think I’ll be able to watch Katie and Conner B. kiss all season if it continues to look like that.
Who is this guy in the red jacket?? OH shit she’s on his lap!!! Okay the golden banner told me his name is Thomas and he is 28. I see their chemistry, but Thomas looks like a shit starter. Something is fishy about him…
Oh god did Tayshia teach Katie to give out shoutouts before the rose?? What happened to just giving one person the rose and calling it a night? Not everyone needs a trophy!
Thomas gets the rose. Shocker!
Greg’s One On One
WOW the first impression rose NEVER gets the first one on one. Katie really must have control over the producers this season.
Shut up Greg showing his new boots to the camera is precious.
Yeah uhhh thank goodness I’m not on this date. I ain’t about the wilderness life.
It’s been two back to back seasons of pitching tents that will not be slept in. Do they have a brand deal with REI or something??
Katie is so giddy with Greg!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW GREG’S DAD DIED TOO?! Well now I’m sobbing. They are perfect for each other. If she doesn’t pick Greg, we riot at dawn!
James back at the house: “We’re all in trouble if Greg walks through the door with a rose.”
Oh honey, you guys aren’t just in trouble. You’re in deep, deep, deep shit.
Second Group Date
Wakey wakey eggs and bacey boys!!
Did anyone catch the way Aaron says “specialities”? I laughed.
I thought we were going to end these physical dates last season??
Cody: “My chances are high of getting the group rose tonight.”
Narrator: “Cody in fact, had a very little chance of getting the group date rose tonight.”
Okay sooo apparently Aaron and Cody know each other from back home and Cody is chasing the fame and isn’t even discreet about it. He literally said that Aaron ratting him out would hurt his chances of getting a rose. He didn’t mention anything about it hurting his relationship with Katie.
WOW Katie sending Cody home was a power move and I love her for it. She didn’t even dwell on her decision for long and let it interfere too much with her night. You go girl.
Andrew S. comes out of left field to save the day! Good work buddy. Didn’t even know you existed before this moment.
Okay Kyle is weird. Just me??
Katie is the first Bachelorette to actually reward someone for bringing her their concerns about someone. She didn’t bring Aaron into the drama after he told her what he knew. This is definitely because Katie was in that situation last season where she talked to Matt and was just DESTROYED for it and she doesn’t want anyone else to feel how she did.
Rose Ceremony
Katie talks with Thomas and she says a line that really stuck with me: “I don’t care to describe it, I care to enjoy it.” I guess this is going to be my motto for the rest of my life!
NO Katie just said: “I don’t know how tonight could be ruined.” FAMOUS. LAST. WORDS.
Karl just needs to take a seat. He has no proof that any of the guys are here for the wrong reasons but still brings it up to Katie and sets her off. MANIPULATION at it’s finest.
Karl: “I don’t want there to be any drama.”
Also Karl: *Proceeds to start drama*
Karl is just digging himself into a deep hole right now. He already set off red flags when he gave that weird performance and then proceeded to tell Katie that he wouldn’t talk about his last relationship.
Annnndddd ABC doesn’t respect my time ONCE AGAIN because we leave off on a to be continued. UGHHHH.
Thanks for following along. Be sure to check out my 60 second recap on TikTok @heresthesitch !! (Please watch it I want to be FAMOUS!) Kk byeeeeee