WHATSUP BITCHES I’M BAAAACCKKKKKKKKK!!!!! Have you missed these recaps as much as I have??? Luckily for my professors, I am on summer break, so no more writing during class! Yippee!! TBH, my excitement level for Katie’s season has been subpar, but I’m Bachelor Nation’s number one fan, so it’s going to take A LOT for me not to watch a season. For the first time this season, let’s triple back tuck right in!
We start with jean on jean outfit for Katie and I’m about to shut the TV off and jump out the window. If the promo was any indication of what her fashion is going to be like in this season, we are certainly in for a reeaaalll treat…
Oh god and now we have a Canada Goose! Does she hate puppies?!?!?
We start to meet some of the guys in their “natural habitats”.
Connor B. is introduced first as he is playing the ukelele in a bathtub with concerningly long leg hair, and for the second time tonight I am going to jump out the window. AND he’s from Nashville. Do we have another Jed on our hands?? Eeep!
Karl’s up next and he is a motivational speaker. Not gonna lie when I first heard the name Karl I thought I would see Carl Lentz on my TV. I mean, hey, it’s not that far-fetched. His wife basically disowned him!
Now there’s Brendan and he looks exactly like Russell Dickerson.
Andrew S. is doing a Tik Tok dance in his intro and I am just constantly reminded that Tik Tok is in fact going to be part of the outside world and was not just a quarantine phase. We will be doing the Renegade in the clubs. Lord help me.
Intros are over and the limos are about to arrive. Kaitlyn and Tayshia show up and Katie looks SO surprised to see them. Did she not know they were coming???? Anywho, Katie is stoked to have a girl squad.
I love that Tayshia and Kaitlyn are watching the limo entrances through the window. Chris Harrison could NEVER.
Last season I went through every limo entrance and told you everything about the guys, but now that it is summer, I simply CANNOT be bothered to go into that much detail. Sorry not sorry. But I’ll def keep you abreast on the important ones 🙂
Thomas comes out first – 28 Real Estate Broker. Seems like he has his life together. And he’s TALL. +100 points.
Andrew M. 31 Attorney – def makes BANK. He couldn’t stop looking at her boobs and needs a better fitting suit, so it’s safe to say he hasn’t had any action in quite some time!
David 27 – He’s wearing capris. That’s it.
Katie after David comes out: “Okay they are literally all TENS.”
Michael 36 “Business Owner” – The fuck does that mean?? He could be the leader of a drug cartel for all we know! Katie, watch out for this guy.
One of the guys comes in on a truck and Tayshia she says she loves a guy in a truck: *Zac immediately goes and buys a truck*
Gabriel 35 Entrepreneur – again with the vague job titles! Did he start his own business MURDERING people?? We may never know! He looks like Chasen from Clare’s /Tayshia’s season and also looks high sooooo.
John 27 Bartender – John is cute! And he’s Katie’s type. His face looks like someone from an animated movie…I can’t put my finger on it yet.
Mike 31 Gym Owner – Hi Mike. I’d like to formally introduce myself. My name is Sophie and I have a weakness for professional sports players. I’m free all the time 🙂
Austin 25 Real Estate Investor – If you didn’t start singing pursuit of happiness during his limo entrance, wyd.
Hunter 34 Software Strategist – He’s a short king, but unfortunately Katie’s not into it. Sorry Hunter.
Tre 26 Software Engineer – He comes out of a ball pit. I would marry him on the spot. He seems emotionally intelligent (Trigger warning – Taylor Nolan). All I can think about though is “Hi my name is Trey and I have a basketball game tomorrow.”
Andrew S. 26 Pro Football Player – He faked the British accent. This is bringing me back to Bri from Colton’s season when she did her Australian accent. Been there, done that, Andrew!
Justin 26 Investment Sales Consultant- Justin made the paint brush sexual pun and it landed well with Katie! And he’s a good ass painter.
Quartney 26 Nutrition Entrepreneur – Is it just me or does this guy look exactly like Frozone from The Incredibles?? Just Google it you will see what I mean.
Connor B 29 Math Teacher – He shows up in a full cat costume and Katie is into it??? We are in for a TREAT this season!
The limo entrances are over and Katie is back in the room with all of the guys. The present dude is really committing to his whole shtick.
The ice in Katie’s glass needs to take a seat. It’s all I can hear!
Thomas reminds me of A-Rod. Getting playboy vibes.
Greg is having a good talk. A little monotone. But Katie seems into him. And he’s cute. AND good with kids. Shit I think I’m falling for Greg. He could use a little haircut though.
Painter guy gets the first kiss!!! AKA Justin.
Katie is NOT feeling RV guy. He’s being so weird and creepy!!!
James finally comes out of his box with the thickest Jersey accent. He reminds me of Jason from Becca’s season. Business man with too much hair gel.
Oh NO cat guy and Katie are sucking face. Idk if I can watch this horrendous kissing all season.
Greg gets the first impression rose. I just want to go on record saying that I GUESSED IT!
Rose ceremony
Going home are Austin, Brandon, Gabriel, Jeff, Landon, Marcus, and Marty.
One thing I really liked about Katie this episode is that I feel like she is giving every guy an equal shot. She doesn’t seem to have a type and isn’t picking favorites night one. She says that she thinks this group of guys has potential, which is very honest because most Bachelors and Bachelorettes night one say that they think they found their person. Which is crazy!!! (Flashbacks to Clare anyone??)
Well, my oat milk latte is gone, so that means I must be done here. Thank you for coming back for ANOTHER season of my reactions. As long as you keep reading, I keep writing! Adios betches!