Bachelor Episode 3: This Isn’t The Sarah Show

Ladies and Gents! It’s Monday again! Fuck! Tonight was very special because after years of judging my obsession with this franchise, my sister FINALLY sat down to watch a full episode with me. AND GUESS WHAT? She LIKED IT! I feel seen, appreciated, heard, valued…

Let’s get into this episode because honestly it was a waste of my time and I can’t believe I am giving it more attention than it deserves.

We left off last week with Sarah fainting off the risers during the rose ceremony.

While Sarah is outside with Matt, the remaining girls are getting interviewed and are being RUTHLESS talking about how she planned that to get more time with Matt. Since she already had a rose, I personally don’t think that was a scheme.

Victoria gets the last rose yet AGAIN and at this point if she doesn’t understand she is the producers’ rose, I am concerned for her.

Going home are Marylynn, Alana, Kristin, Illeana, and Sydney (Who???)

First Group Date

There’s always gotta be one date dealing with sex stories. Is this show getting predictable or do I know too much??

I wonder who Matt is thinking about in his head as he recites his “love scene.” My friend brought up a good point – she was was intensely watching him to see if he did his secret signal with Abigail. I totally forgot about that! He didn’t do it…she was sort of irrelevant this episode.

Okay Anna’s performance was kinda good. She made it funny and steamy!

Anyone noticing this funky music is the background?! It’s like the producers went on Garage Band and just picked the first option for “background music.” Super weird vibes.

Lots of bleeps going on here with Katie and Victoria. OH LORD AND MOANING NOISES NOOOOOOO.

When Victoria says the other girls’ stories are “vanilla” you know hers is going to be good.

 Uh oh Sarah is taking this date too seriously. And she’s not even on it! It was supposed to be fun, Sarah!  

Group Date Cocktail Party

Matt: “It was fun to see you all in your element today.”

I’m sorry Matthew WHAT? Unless these girls recite erotica for a living, I don’t think they were in their element!

Ughhhhhh Sarah comes in to interrupt the cocktail party. If she’s ever seen this show before, she must know this is a surefire way to become the most hated girl in the house! This is such a bummer because she was so like-able last week.

Katie waiting behind the divider for her time back is sending me. Lol.

Sarah returns to the girls to explain why she came to talk to Matt. However, somehow in her explanation we do not hear a SINGLE EXPLANATION!

Sarah: “I just wanted you to hear it from me.”

Victoria: “We didn’t hear anything from you, Sarah.” 

Katie SPRINTING to get in on this Victoria and Sarah conversation.

Soooo Rachael gets the group date rose! Not that it matters because the only one getting airtime this week is Sarah!  

We cut back to the house the next day and Sarah is hiding in her room while the girls gossip about her. When Matt comes to pick up Serena for the one on one, he finds out Sarah is in her room and goes to comfort her. If I were Sarah, this would be all the validation I would need. But I think she’s dealing with some deeper rooted issues…

Serena P’s One on One 

That jacket from Shein, Serena? 

I love this conversation the two of them are having about taking unconventional paths in life and breaking free from society’s expectations. Derailing from the linear path is scary, but it is important that Matt and Serena are normalizing the conversation surrounding it.

The funniest part of this entire season happens next and honestly I am STILL laughing at it.

That is a live photo of me spitting out my $4 wine from Trader Joes.

Throughout this date we periodically check back in to the house because God forbid we go two minutes without hearing the name Sarah!

Matt: “I wanted to propose…a toast.” Idk if he paused on purpose, but I laughed.  

Okay Serena is cute! 22 seems young to me because I’m almost 22 and I just can’t imagine getting married right now?!?!?? But different strokes for different folks???! IDK!

The Conclusion of The Sarah Show

Victoria: “Sarah doesn’t need Matt. Sarah needs a Xanax.” I hate myself for laughing at Victoria this episode. We can’t forget all of the horrible things she has done the past two weeks!!

I’m glad Sarah is apologizing. I think? But the girls are just absolutely DEMOLISHING HER! They are trying to say she can’t feel this way, but who are they to tell Sarah how to feel?? I think Sarah was being genuine in her apology, but the girls were being so fucking mean that she got flustered and was taken advantage of at her weakest point.

Sarah definitely shouldn’t have interrupted the group date, but she didn’t deserve all that backlash.

No matter how hard Sarah tried to explain herself in that moment, no one was going to believe her or give her the time of day. She was too far gone. These girls actually bullied her out of the house.

Kit: “I hope your connection with Matt is really strong because the rest of your living situation is going to be horrible.”

When Kit said this I laughed, but now I realize how incredibly toxic and horrible that comment is.

Somehow this MONSTROSITY of an episode was saved by none other than…vibrator girl! I mean Katie!

Katie made an extremely mature decision to go check on Sarah privately. They had such a pure and sweet moment. In conclusion, WE STAN!

UGHHHHH we totally aren’t going to get a rose ceremony tonight. Nothing frustrates me more!! And we didn’t even get the second group date? My OCD is SCREAMING at the fact that we will start next week in the middle of an episode.

Sarah goes to see Matt to tell him she is leaving. I respect this decision and think she is making the right choice because there was just no coming back from what she went through at the house.

Sarah: “I wish you could see my heart.” 

Matt: “I feel it.” 

WOW that was powerful! And off she goes!

I will leave you alone until next Monday. But before I go, here is the most incredible post of the night from our self-aware king, Matthew James.