Well, well, well. Look at us. Somehow Monday just keeps coming again each week without even so much as a warning! Let’s get this show on the road because this hangover ain’t gonna cure itself!
ABC just continues to show us how thirsty they are for money with an opening scene of a Peloton promo. I’ve never wanted to get on my Peloton more after seeing Matt James riding that thing like the sexy motherfucker he is.
Ahh the shower scenes have begun! Colton Underwood flashbacks anyone??
One On One with Bri
YES Bri scoring that first date! She’s my fav so far so I hope she doesn’t disappoint.
Is she tiny or is he huge? Both?
Bri looking at the two ATVs right in front of them: “Are we gonna drive these?”
No Bri, you’re going to eat them. YES YOU’RE GOING TO DRIVE THEM!
Holy shit they just got whipped off. That’s low key so dangerous.
I usually don’t like when boys where jeans, but Matt James you can wear jeans any day.
THE SEXUAL MUSIC WITH THE SHIRT COMING OFF I CANT !
Bri – a confident queen who keeps her hair down in a hot tub.
We cut back to the house where Victoria is on a rant about how this feels more like a sorority than a dating show. Someone please find out if Victoria was in a sorority because I bet your bottom dollar she was the president of kappa theta gamma phi beta delta at the University of Loserville.
I can’t believe that we can’t see queen Tayshia serving looks anymore every night. That was one of the best parts of last season.
Omg Bri’s mom had her when she was 13?! That is incredible.
Bri realllyyyy took advantage of her time and ROCKED IT! She is on track for top 4 for sure.
Group Date
You know there’s a lot of people this season when there are TWO date cards full of names.
Matt hugging the girls as they arrive at the group date: “Wait who are you?”
Oh shit the horrible photographer is back!! Seriously ABC are we THAT low on money???
Matt is ready to kill the producers for making him keep Victoria. That kiss was just NOT IT.
I would def want Victoria on my team for this weird game of capture? the? heart? I am suddenly transported back to middle school gym class!
Someone yelling distantly in the background: “I’m so confused!” SAME GIRL!
I’m glad only some of them are going to the cocktail party. It’d be too crazy with 18 girls.
I forgot how many tears are involved on the Bachelor. Rachael is taking this loss like her dog just died.
Cocktail Party
Is it just me or did Lauren just join the group today?? Like where has she been?
Lauren is religious. +1 point!
Matt to Lauren: “You’re smart, beautiful, successful…”
Lauren: *Nods head in agreement with all of the above* I like the confidence!
Mari can ROCK a high pony damn girl.
Wait why are Victoria and Matt having a normal convo?? HAHA I take it back that kiss just ruined it. So forced and actually ZERO chemistry.
Wow he’s giving a rose to Lauren not in front of the whole group! So interesting.
One On One with Sarah
Okay is someone flying this plane?! I do not feel safe!!!
Wowowow ALS is a horrible disease. I respect Sarah so much for coming on this show, that could not have been an easy decision. Wow AND she’s his caregiver. This girl is an angel.
I’m glad she opened up. It’s horrible to say, but she literally could have been sent home if she didn’t tell Matt her story tonight. Usually that is something Sarah probably would not talk about on a first date, but Bachelor dating is sped up to the extreme.
Matt talking about being there with Sarah: “It’s an honor.” I’m crying in the club!!!
SARAH’S BODY BYE. God dammit FINE I’ll do some crunches today THANKS SARAH.
Rose Ceremony
Wait I want a signal with Matt!!
So uhhhhhh is anyone going to tell Victoria about the MONSTROSITY that is her dress and her bra straps?! I guess that’s what she gets for not befriending any of the girls in the house!
What’s Victoria’s problem with Marylynn?? Like she hasn’t said 2 words the whole season.
Victoria is so manipulative!! Reminds me so much of Victoria F. from Peter’s season.
Matt is way too understanding. I hope Marylynn doesn’t get sent home because of Victoria’s self-consciousness.
Marylynn is handling this really well. She’s so calm when addressing Matt and Victoria.
We head to the rose ceremony and halfway through Sarah faints off the risers. I am taken back, once again, to middle school during chorus concerts where someone would ALWAYS faint.
She was probably just anxious (even though she had a rose?, dehydrated, hot from all the lights, and over exhausted and it just caught up to her in that moment. I guess we will find out next week because ABC has to find someway to keep us coming back for more…
K bye betches! Get on with your Tuesday!